In the end the only thing that is important is that we enjoy the sport and can have a laugh at ourselves because it’s a dead certainty your non-tri friends are laughing at you.
So with Kona nearly here it’s time to take stock and see how you fare.
If you score zero, why the hell are you reading a Triathlon website?
If you score below five you obviously aren’t taking this sport seriously enough.
5-10 you are on the borderline and could go either way.
10-14 you could probably do with an intervention and your friends are talking about you behind your back.
If you score 15 out of 15 you are too far gone to help. You are a triathlete till you die and you probably already have plans for your ashes to be scattered over Kona pier when you do.
1. When a colleague shows you their new watch you respond with “Wow, what does it do??”
2. When asked your age you respond with “30-34”
3. You take more “toys” to the pool than a toddler.
4. On the rare occasion you go to a non-triathlon event you are the only one who doesn’t see the issue with using a porta loo.
5. When friends at work ask what you did on the weekend you answer in kilometres.
6. You decline invitations for anything that might go past 9.30 at night (8.30 on a school night)
7. You can't start any workout until you get a satellite lock.
8. You are excited about upcoming birthdays as it means you can be the youngest in your new age group.
9. You know your shoe size in Euro, US and UK in that order.
10. On the odd chance you go on a non-race holiday, on arrival you immediately ask the concierge where the pool is, does the gym have spin bikes and can they recommend somewhere to run.
11. When looking for somewhere to live, bike storage and access to training areas trump good schools and transport.
12. Your iPhone reading list consists only of sporting biographies, instructional training books and PDF’s of manuals for your Garmin and Di2.
13. On any given day you will wear or use at least one piece of Ironman branded gear.
14. You have over ten pairs of shoes but only one pair that is suitable for “grown up” events.
15. You already know what time you need to get up on Sunday morning to watch Kona.